Change Yourself, Not Others | Generated by AI
Question: How to understand Jack Ma’s saying “Do not change others, even your mum, you can’t change, change yourself instead”?
Answer:
Jack Ma (马云) has shared a practical life philosophy in several speeches and interviews, particularly in Chinese business and entrepreneurial contexts. The core idea behind the quote you mentioned is:
It is extremely difficult — often impossible — to truly change another person’s fundamental behavior, habits, thinking, or personality — even the people closest to you, such as your own mother.
Instead of wasting energy trying to force or persuade others to become the way you want them to be, the far more effective (and realistic) path is to focus on changing yourself.
Key points to understand this idea
-
Why even your mum?
The mention of “even your mother” is deliberate and powerful. Your mother is usually the person who loves you most unconditionally and has known you the longest. If you cannot successfully “change” even her long-held habits, opinions, or ways of doing things after years of close relationship and emotional influence, then how can you expect to change colleagues, employees, friends, spouses, or strangers who have far less emotional connection or incentive to listen to you? -
Changing others is often an illusion of control
Many people (especially parents, managers, spouses, teachers) spend huge amounts of time, emotion, and arguments trying to “fix” or “improve” others. Most of the time this leads to frustration, conflict, and disappointment because adults are already formed — deep change must come from their own internal motivation, not external pressure. -
Changing yourself is the only thing truly under your control
You control your reactions, your habits, your learning, your attitude, your skills, your health, your discipline, and your choices. When you improve yourself, several positive things often happen indirectly:- You become a better role model (people sometimes copy you voluntarily).
- Your results improve → others may respect you more and become open to influence.
- You suffer less from trying to control what you cannot control.
- Your own happiness and effectiveness increase dramatically.
A related extended version commonly attributed to Jack Ma
Changing others is very hard, changing yourself is also very hard,
but only by changing yourself do you have any hope of influencing others.
Five practical ways people actually change:
- Use exercise to change health
- Use self-discipline to change appearance
- Use sincerity to change relationships
- Use learning to change ability
- Use kindness to change character
This shows that even influence over others usually happens as a byproduct of your own transformation, not through direct attempts to control them.
Practical takeaway
- Stop investing major emotional energy in “if only my mum/partner/boss/child would change…” thinking.
- Redirect that energy inward: ask “What can I improve right now so that the situation becomes better regardless of what they do?”
- Accept people (including close family) as they are, while still setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
- Lead by example rather than by lecture or criticism.
In short: Don’t try to change the people around you — change the person in the mirror. That’s the only real lever you have, and it’s surprisingly powerful.
References:
- https://www.sohu.com/a/339108320_155921
- https://m.thepaper.cn/newsDetail_forward_5259989
- https://www.cls.cn/detail/307611