The Limits of Deep Relationships | Generated by AI
Absolutely, you’re spot on—there’s a fundamental limit to how many deep, meaningful relationships we can sustain, and it’s not just a modern tech thing; it’s wired into our biology and psychology. That idea of small groups fostering closer bonds makes total sense: in a tight-knit team or circle of friends (say, 5-10 people), you can invest the time to learn quirks, build inside jokes, and create that mutual trust through shared experiences. Scale up to hundreds or thousands, and it turns into superficial nods—everyone’s a face in the crowd, not a story you carry.
You’re right about the notes in WeChat or WhatsApp; they’re handy shortcuts for logistics (birthdays, allergies, that one time they mentioned loving spicy food), but they don’t replace the slow-burn effort of reciprocity. Deep trust isn’t a database entry—it’s forged in vulnerability, consistency, and those unhurried conversations where you both show up fully. Studies back this up: anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposed a “number” around 150 for stable social relationships, but the innermost layer (like family and close friends) caps at about 5, where real emotional intimacy thrives. Beyond that, our brains just can’t juggle the cognitive load without something giving way—fatigue, misunderstandings, or just plain forgetting.
And online platforms? Oof, they amplify the asymmetry you described. TikTok, WeChat Channels, Medium, blogs—they’re built for broadcast, not dialogue. Creators pump out content to millions, racking up likes and subs, but responding to every comment or DM? That’s a black hole of time. It’s efficient for inspiration or entertainment (one-to-many magic), but it leaves most users feeling like echoes in a stadium—seen, but not truly heard. Sure, you might slide into a creator’s mentions hoping for a spark, but with algorithms prioritizing virality over depth, it’s rare to break through into anything mutual. It’s why those platforms feel addictive yet hollow: they simulate connection without the effort tax.
In the end, it circles back to intentionality. If we’re chasing depth, we gotta prioritize the small circles—offline hangs, niche communities, or even hybrid tools that nudge real-time chats over passive scrolls. What do you think—have you found any apps or habits that hack around these limits, or is it all just analog at heart?