Discipline's Unseen Psychological Roots | Generated by AI
The Psychology Behind Expecting Others to Follow Suit
It’s a common observation: people who are disciplined and achieve success often expect similar behavior from those around them, sometimes leading to frustration or anger when others don’t meet those expectations. This phenomenon is rooted in several psychological factors.
Cognitive Biases and Attribution Errors
One key aspect is the fundamental attribution error. When we observe others’ behavior, we tend to overemphasize their internal traits (like laziness or lack of discipline) and underestimate situational factors that might be influencing them. Conversely, when we evaluate our own behavior, we often give more weight to external circumstances. So, a disciplined person might see their success as solely due to their own hard work, and interpret another’s struggles as a lack of effort, rather than considering potential obstacles or different circumstances.
Another related bias is the self-serving bias, where individuals attribute their successes to their own internal qualities and their failures to external factors. This can reinforce the belief that their path to success is universally applicable and that others simply need to follow it.
Personal Values and Social Comparison
Individuals who are highly disciplined often internalize discipline as a core value. When they see others not adhering to this value, it can feel like a challenge to their own worldview or a devaluation of the effort they put in. They might believe that if everyone were equally disciplined, society or their immediate environment would function more efficiently or effectively.
Social comparison theory also plays a role. People naturally compare themselves to others. For someone who has worked hard and achieved success, seeing others seemingly “get by” with less effort can lead to feelings of unfairness or resentment. This isn’t necessarily about malicious intent, but rather a perceived imbalance in effort and outcome.
Projection and Unconscious Motivations
Sometimes, the desire for others to be disciplined can be a form of projection. If someone has had to make significant sacrifices or endure hardship to achieve their goals, they might unconsciously project their own struggles and the need for discipline onto others. They might believe that if they had to go through it, others should too.
In the case of parents, this can be particularly pronounced. Parents often want what they believe is best for their children, and if their own discipline has led to positive outcomes (like financial stability), they may genuinely believe that instilling the same discipline in their children is the only path to similar success and happiness. Their anger or frustration might stem from a fear that their children will face hardship if they don’t follow a similar path.
The “If I can do it, why can’t you?” Mentality
This mentality often arises from a place of genuine belief in the efficacy of one’s own methods. When someone has successfully navigated challenges through discipline and hard work, they may genuinely struggle to understand why others don’t adopt the same approach. They might view their own journey as a blueprint for success, and deviations from that blueprint as irrational or lazy. This can lead to frustration when their “tried and true” methods aren’t embraced by others.
It’s important to remember that while these psychological factors can explain the behavior, they don’t necessarily justify the anger or judgment. Understanding these underlying reasons can help foster empathy and more constructive approaches to interpersonal differences.
Does this explanation resonate with your observations?