Softening Your Essay for Better Communication | Generated by AI
Suggestions for Improving the Essay
Your essay is raw and honest, which is its strength—it captures real emotions and reflections. However, to make it something your father could read without getting angry, the key is to shift the tone from blame and frustration toward empathy, self-reflection, and mutual understanding. Right now, it feels like a vent, which might come across as accusatory (e.g., phrases like “destroying me” or “I hate people who always think they are right”). By softening that, you can preserve your message while showing respect for his perspective. This could even open a door for better communication.
Here’s a structured set of improvements, organized by section or theme. I’ll suggest specific changes, why they help, and example rewrites. Aim to keep the essay’s length similar, but add balance where it’s one-sided.
1. Overall Tone and Structure
- Why improve? The essay focuses heavily on negatives (arguments, regrets, criticisms). Adding positives about your father (e.g., his intentions, strengths, or shared good times) humanizes him and shows you’re not attacking. Start with a neutral or appreciative intro, and end on a hopeful note about the future relationship.
- Suggestions:
- Add a disclaimer at the beginning: “This is my personal reflection on our differences, written with love and a desire to understand each other better.”
- End with: “I value our family bond and hope living separately allows us to appreciate each other more, without the daily frictions.”
- Balance sections: For every criticism, add a counterpoint acknowledging his side (e.g., “I know he means well because he wants the best for me”).
2. Specific Sections on Arguments and Criticisms
- Cleanliness and Toilet Habits
- Why improve? This feels petty and embarrassing; framing it as a minor difference rather than a “problem” reduces defensiveness.
- Suggestion: Rephrase to emphasize adaptation and shared responsibility. Remove graphic details if they’re too blunt.
- Example rewrite: “One area where we’ve clashed is cleanliness in the bathroom. I understand your emphasis on hygiene comes from a place of care for the home we share. I’ve worked on improving, like when I lived alone and handled cleaning on my own schedule. It’s taught me that we just have different rhythms, and that’s okay.”
- Education and Dropout Regrets (Paul Graham Section)
- Why improve? This ties your life choices to external influences but indirectly blames your father for ongoing criticisms. It might make him feel like the villain in your story.
- Suggestion: Focus more on your own growth and less on “irresponsible” advice from others. Acknowledge that his push for education stems from concern for your future.
- Example rewrite: “We’ve argued a lot about my decision to drop out and pursue startups, inspired by writers like Paul Graham. Looking back, I see his essays didn’t fully address cultural differences, like how a degree matters more in China. I appreciate your reminders about education because they come from wanting security for me. That’s why I’m now working toward my associate degree—I’ve passed 9 courses so far, and it feels like progress we’re both invested in.”
- Hobby Criticisms (Arduino/Breadboard)
- Why improve? The “grieved and painful” language is intense; soften to show it’s about mismatched priorities, not rejection.
- Suggestion: Add that his advice motivates you in some ways, even if it stings.
- Example rewrite: “When you saw me tinkering with Arduino, your suggestion to focus on exams instead hurt at the time, but I know it was because you worry about my stability. Hobbies like that recharge me, and balancing them with studies is something I’m learning—thanks in part to your encouragement.”
- Misunderstandings (Bike Video and Chauffeur Joke)
- Why improve? This highlights his “misunderstanding,” which could feel like you’re calling him out for overreacting.
- Suggestion: Frame it as a communication gap, not a fault.
- Example rewrite: “That time I posted a joking video about my bike ride, and you worried I was considering chauffeur work due to financial stress—it showed how much you care about my well-being. I was just being silly, but it reminded me we need clearer communication to avoid assumptions.”
- House Purchase and Economic Regrets
- Why improve? You already say it’s “not fair to blame” him, but the connection to arguments might still sting. Emphasize external factors more.
- Suggestion: Stress shared family pressures and remove the direct link to one argument.
- Example rewrite: “Buying the house in 2022 was influenced by many things, including our tensions, but also my own impatience and the broader economy. No one could predict the market drop, and I’m grateful for your guidance on stability, even if it led to tough conversations.”
3. Broader Themes: Strictness, Control, and “Destroying” Language
- Why improve? Phrases like “destroying a person,” “I hate people who…,” and “nightmare in my life” are harsh and absolute. They might make him defensive or hurt.
- Suggestion: Use “I feel” statements to own your emotions (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”). Quote the TikTok line but soften it: “I’ve seen videos saying constant corrections can wear someone down, and it resonates with how I’ve felt at times.”
- Example rewrite for the “strict” section: “Your strictness comes from a place of love and wanting me to succeed, but as an adult in my 30s, I sometimes feel it like control over small things. I’ve realized we have different ways of doing life—yours is structured, mine more flexible—and that’s not wrong, just different. Living separately has helped me appreciate your advice without the daily pressure.”
4. Positive Additions and Empathy
- Why add? To avoid it reading like a list of grievances, weave in gratitude. This shows maturity and could make him more receptive.
- Suggestions:
- Add a new paragraph early on: “Despite our differences, I admire your discipline and how you’ve provided for the family. Living together highlighted our contrasts, but it also reminded me of the values you instilled in me.”
- Mention shared positives: “I enjoy our short visits now—half an hour for dinner keeps things light and connected.”
- Reference family history gently: “Like with grandfather and his sons, arguments are common in families, but they don’t define us. I hope we can focus on peace as we go forward.”
5. Final Polish
- Language and Sensitivity: Replace words like “hate,” “regret,” “nightmare,” and “frustrate,” “wish I’d handled differently,” “challenging period.” Keep it in first person, but use “we” more (e.g., “We’ve both struggled with…”).
- Length and Flow: Cut repetitive parts (e.g., multiple mentions of arguments) and use subheadings if it helps readability, like “Reflections on Cleanliness” or “Lessons from Our Relationship”).
- Test Read: After revisions, read it as if you’re your father. Does it feel like an attack or a heartfelt share? If possible, share it with a neutral third party first (like your wife) for feedback.
By making these changes, the essay becomes a bridge rather than a barrier—your father might see your side while feeling valued. It could even spark a calm talk. If the goal is reconciliation, this toned-down version keeps your truth but invites his understanding.