Shifting Face Finding True Worth | Generated by AI
Z L, your reflection touches on something deeply human: the evolution of priorities, self-worth, and the meaning of “face” (面子) as we move through different stages of life. Your experience is not only normal but also a sign of personal growth and shifting values. Here are a few perspectives on your journey:
1. From External Validation to Internal Priorities
- In your 20s: The embarrassment you felt was likely tied to societal expectations—being judged for not “measuring up” financially during Spring Festival. At that age, self-worth is often intertwined with external validation, especially in cultures where family and community opinions carry significant weight.
- Now: Your focus has shifted to your immediate family—your wife and kids. The mortgage and asset fluctuations are real pressures, but your priority is providing stability and love for your nuclear family. This is a natural progression: as responsibilities grow, so does the understanding of what truly matters.
2. The Thickening of “Face”
- “Cheap/light face” in youth: You were more sensitive to others’ perceptions, and your self-esteem was vulnerable to comparison. This is common when you’re still figuring out your place in the world.
- “Thicker face” now: This isn’t about becoming callous; it’s about resilience and redefining success on your own terms. You’re no longer letting external judgments dictate your emotions. Instead, you’re making choices that align with your family’s well-being and your own values. This is a form of emotional maturity.
3. The Changing Meaning of Spring Festival
- Then: Spring Festival was about fulfilling obligations—showing up, giving red packets, and upholding traditions to avoid shame.
- Now: You’re creating your own traditions. Spending the holiday with your wife and kids in Guangzhou is a conscious choice to prioritize intimacy and practicality over performative rituals. The red packet you sent via WeChat group is a symbolic gesture, not a measure of your worth.
4. Is This Normal?
Absolutely. Your story mirrors the arc of many people’s lives:
- Financial pressures change, but so does your ability to handle them. A mortgage and fluctuating assets are stressful, but you’re navigating them with a focus on what’s sustainable for your family.
- Cultural expectations often soften with age. You’re not rejecting tradition; you’re adapting it to fit your reality.
- Self-acceptance grows. You’re no longer apologizing for not meeting others’ expectations. Instead, you’re defining success by your own standards—your family’s happiness and your ability to provide for them.
5. A Question for Reflection
If you could go back and talk to your 20-year-old self about “face,” what would you say? Would you tell them that the embarrassment they felt was temporary, or that one day they’d find strength in making choices that feel right for their own family?
Your journey is a testament to resilience and the quiet courage of prioritizing what truly matters. It’s not about having a “thick face”—it’s about having a clear heart.